“Sometimes you can’t choose who you fall in love with, but you can always choose who you are in a relationship with. Love yourself enough to know your own worth.”
Falling in love is one of the most beautiful kinds of emotion a person can feel. Nevertheless, when you find yourself in an unrequited love situation, it becomes one of the hardest and difficult emotions to manage.
What is Unrequited love?
Unrequited love refers to a one-sided love is that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such by the one that is loved. The beloved may not be aware of the romantic affections or may consciously reject the love that is shown or professed. Simply put, it is love that is not reciprocated or returned.
The pain of one sided love is very devastating and it can be equated to the pain of heartbreak. It can come in different ways;
1. You love someone but they don’t return the love
2. You are in a relationship but your partner doesn’t in return acts like he loves or appreciates you enough.
As hard as both experience of unrequited love is, the first challenge is one of the hardest experience anyone can find themselves, especially if that person already has a partner.
The experience of longing for someone you can’t have is not a healthy one. Most times, you struggle to get rid of the feelings for that person but it turns out that the feelings are growing stronger as each day passes by.
Sometimes, it may seem like you want to stop and forget that person but you just can’t. However, if you are determined enough, you can deal with the unrequited love.
6 Steps To Dealing With Unrequited Love
Be sure how you feel and accept it
Having feelings for someone who is either a friend or colleague can get you into a confused state because you might not be sure if the emotions are mistaken friendship connections or they are real.
You most certainly would find yourself in a circle of thought and certain questions would start pouring in. You may ask yourself if the love is real or just a mere attachment.
The best solution is to confirm that what you feel for that person is really love and you want to have a romantic relationship with him/her.
You should ensure that you’re not just mistaking or forcing a connection you both have into love, hence, risking or harming your existing friendship as a result of something that isn’t real.
Allow yourself to vent
Sometimes, having unrequited love for a friend and being sure about what you feel is heartbreaking. Loving a person who doesn’t return the same feelings can be devastating and heart breaking, especially if it involves someone you have spent a lot of good memories with.
The best therapy you can give yourself firstly is to allow your emotions to flow. Do what you feel like doing at that moment is to allow yourself to feel the pain and help yourself eventually feel better.
If you are the type that vents by crying, going for a walk, screaming as much as you like, make sure you do what it takes to get the emotions out. Nevertheless, do not vent with actions that are not safe for you.
As much as it is normal to let out the emotions, it is important to stay away from actions that will hurt yourself or others. As long as it is a safe activity, do it regardless of people’s opinions around you.
Do not push the blame on yourself
Sometimes, our minds tend to play tricks on us. Once we see that something isn’t working out well, we blame ourselves and this shouldn’t be so.
Being hurt can make you start shifting the blame yourself for the unfortunate situation. Once you give room for this, doubts and insecurities will start to creep into your mind. You might even start thinking that you are not good enough for the person.
Hence, it is important to realize that loving the person is no fault of yours and at the same time, not returning the love is also not the fault of that person.
Give the person a little space
Keeping a distance between both of you would be very healthy for you. By keeping a distance, I don’t mean that you have to block the person on your phone or entirely ignore the person. It means keeping a safe distance and drawing a line that would protect you from unnecessary entanglement.
You can even take a short period of time from hanging out with the person to create excuses to reduce how much time you spend with each other . This will hasten your healing process and help you focus on more Important things, especially self care.
Mingle with other people
Overcoming unrequited love towards your friend is very effective when you start mingling with other people and deliberately meeting new personalities. Once you befriend them, it can serve as a distraction to the lingering emotions and can make you realize that you should diversify when it comes to building friendship or relationships. Once you have other friends in the picture, it would reduce your level of attachment to one particular person or sets of people.
Share your feelings with someone
Talking or sharing your thoughts and emotions with someone else helps a lot in getting over emotions. Asides from the advise you get, be it positive or negative, you feel lighter and less burdened when you are aware that someone knows about your situation.
Talking with someone about what you feel and your thoughts doesn’t mean it has to be a friend or someone from your family. It can be anyone you’re used to and comfortable with whom you can trust.
READ ALSO: How to Handle a Cheating Partner
It is also important to ask for pieces of advice from someone you trust about what you should do. It is better if he/she had the same love problem. No one can understand what you’re going through but if you can find a person who has dealt with unrequited love before and successfully overcame the same thing, the experience will serve as a guide for you.
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